Just a Pipe Dream: One Day I’ll Wake Up Without Feeling Behind
Some days I wake up and it feels like I’m already losing. Like I’m chasing peace that always starts without me. Healing feels late. Growth feels quiet. And even when I’m doing everything right, I still feel behind. But I keep walking. Not for applause, not for pride—just to meet the man I’ve been becoming. One breath, one boundary, one quiet victory at a time.
PIPE DREAM
James Lewis
6/24/20252 min read
Let me pipe up real quick.
Sometimes I wake up and feel like the day already beat me. I didn’t even hit snooze, but somehow I still lost. Like the sun’s out, birds chirping, and the only one not in motion... is me.
And it’s not that I’m lazy. I just feel like I’m chasing something that’s always ten steps ahead. My past. My future. My regrets. My goals. Even my peace got a head start.
It’s like I’ve been trying to catch up to myself. Not the version they see— but the version I hope I can become before the weight of all this life drags me under.
Some days I eat clean, post my content, get my shifts done, check off every box. Other days I’m just trying to make it to the next meal without unraveling. I ain’t even ashamed. That’s real life.
But here's the dream—the pipe dream:
One day I’ll wake up and feel on time. Like I’m not late to healing. Not behind on growth. Not failing my kids, my dreams, or myself. Just... here. And whole.
I don’t know when that day comes. But I know it won’t come from me grinding myself to the bone to "deserve" it.
It’ll come from letting go. From showing up imperfect and still saying, "This version of me is allowed to breathe."
But that kind of peace? It don’t arrive with applause. It shows up in silence. In little moments no one claps for.
Like when I choose rest instead of punishment. When I let a craving pass instead of chasing it. When I speak softer to myself than the world ever did.
That’s the kind of work that don’t show up in a bank account. But it shows up in my reflection. In how I handle disrespect. In how I forgive people who never even said sorry.
This journey ain’t about catching up anymore. It’s about catching my breath.
I may not be where I thought I’d be by now, but I’m not where I used to be.
And if I keep walking forward with intention, not pride, not shame, just intention— then one day I might actually meet the man I’ve been chasing - the one I'm trying to become.
And when I do, I won’t judge me for how long it took. I'll just say: "I made it. I kept going. And that was enough."
Remember, we all carry something. But here, you don’t have to carry it alone. Pipe up!
Our dreams deserve space to breathe. Sometimes that comes in the form of journaling. Download my free 7 Day Reflections Journal to get started.